Sunday, December 6th, 2015
I have just come out of a few days of deep depression. My experience of it contained a lot of judgement and feelings of disappointment that I still haven’t learned, I must not be awakened, and if I would ever get past my propensity to be depressed. It started after Thanksgiving when I spent time with my “non-intact” family, which re-ignited the stories in my head about being sad about how things are and aren’t. It turned into debilitating emotional pain to the point where I couldn’t do anything. This began to move into fear around what happens when I can’t do anything – as I can’t work and the rest of my world falls apart.
But instead of staying here for weeks and months on end, I was able to surrender to the pain and go into it, willing to let it tell me what it had to say. As I did, the pain immediately began to lift. I wrote pages in my Journals with God and began to see the story I created that originated in the Dream of the Planet. I was able to use the Toltec teachings with my connection to the Divine to see the world of fear with judges, dominators and victims. I was able to see that I had taken on the role of victim.
I was able to see this story play out again for me where I have given someone else the power to make me acceptable or not, valuable or not, and worthy to be alive, just by their estimation and acceptance of me. The deeper I went into this understanding helped me see that this is steeped in our culture. We are conditionally accepted or not. We are seeing where there are so many who aren’t accepted; people of color, other religions, gays, and even women. Hell, people are killing others they just don’t like or agree with. How can we not internalize this?
I was able to open a wound so deep and so fundamental, I wrote to God, “please help me feel like I’m allowed to be alive”.
“Good morning my love. Yes, you internalized the stories and created your own versions to support them. Now, you must remember who you are as you see the world of fear. Stop waiting for it to change. It is not going to change unless you show it how. But first you must love your self and give yourself permission to live. Permission to be alive – say yes to your self to being happy now. Say yes to your self that you can have the life you want. Give yourself permission to be successful, not because you deserve it, but because you can create whatever you want. You are as I am. You are free and you can create anything. There is nothing in your way – even as others believe in limitation. You must not listen to them – not because they are bad, but because they are mistaken.
Now, focus on what you want to create in your life with the friends, playmate and partners you resonate with now, from outside the Dream (nightmare). Reach into the dream to invite those who want to come out, but you don’t have to live there any more. Today brings a shift for you. What you will find wonderful, is that you will know love like never before – without pain. Walk away from that old life because there is nothing to lose. You must live in your truth right here, right now. I don’t just allow you to live, I implore you to live! You agreed with the jailers. Now, break those agreements and walk into your freedom. You, say yes to you.
Love, God”
As I went through this process I realized the gift it was as it clearly showed me what I have learned, where I want to live, and what I am teaching. This depression – this deep internalization of the insanity in our world is so prevalent that we don’t see it until something takes us down. We can try to get back out of it and go on with our lives, or use it to know our selves better. It was a gift in so many ways and the greatest is to see that there really are different worlds, and that we can choose which one we want to live in.
If you are struggling with some aspect of your life, I invite you to let me help you learn the tools for this inner wisdom, inner strength, and inner peace. Join me in the world of truth. Click here to schedule a session with me. Or, sign up for my next program to become the Master of Your Life, starting January 1st, below.
Visit the Bog: Daily Reminders from the Journals with God
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Become the Master of Your Life
Copyright, Diane Dandeneau, 2015
The Author of the upcoming book: The Year of Awakening ~ The Journey to Living a Divinely Guided Life
