Wednesday, December 2nd, 2015
Revisiting my journals as I’m writing the book continues to weave back into my life. I read this and am aware of the shift in my level of consciousness from when this was written and now. AND, I can see some of my old tapes still running – things I still need to heal. This main message is about lying to myself and taking responsibility for finding the truth. As I’m continuing my own personal transitions in work and relationships, I am going deeper into my personal exploration of what is true now. I find it to be revealing, rewarding and also never ending. This journey of massive growth is the one I’ve chosen.
I can look at what I’m writing from a place of shame, as God is telling me that I have lived my life as a lie. But I know that I am not alone. I now have compassion for myself and I want to share this so you can have compassion for your self, as you are facing your own personal lies. The great opportunity is to accept that we all lie to our selves, be willing to admit it to our self, look for the truth, and live from this new place. This is what I feel is true awakening.
7/29/03 Seattle – flying to Phoenix
Working for the software company this week. I did not enjoy it very much. Doing this work is a compromise and I have decided not to compromise my life any more. I’ve committed to you, God, and that means committing to what is the Truth of me. I don’t want to do this work anymore. Not because I am depressed and don’t want to do anything, but because I am no longer filling my spirit.
God, why do I feel this internal fear? Why do I feel this intense pain when I think about walking away from the life I knew, the work I did – letting go of Jan – when I really don’t want any of it?
Diane – you must start facing what you wanted and what you did that was not of your Truth. You must let everything of your past to go. You must find the one you are – not be the one you were. Yes, your whole life has been created by you from a false premise. You served glimpses of yourself – but your entire life was not of your soul’s making. Your life has been about building a facade. It all started with the belief that you were not lovable or supported or valuable. Diane, these were the lies that formed your life. It is not that you must reach greatness to be valuable and complete. It is that you must reach your greatness from your Truth. Diane, your pain is still believing the lie. The lie that you ever wanted Jan, so you aren’t grieving the loss of something you wanted. You’re grieving the loss of your life! You are grieving the loss of your Truth. You are feeling your self deception and your deception to Jan. You missed the mark (this is what sin really means). Diane, you’ve done this with your work – with your relationships, with your life. You need to recognize this now.
What really matters? What really matters now? Are you truly committing to the Truth? Now, you must continue to delve into your heart and find the truth. The truth of your self deception. The truth behind past decisions. From there you can move forward and make decisions from a deeper knowing. Stop deceiving yourself. Stop justify your decisions based on external forces. Stop settling for only what you think you deserve from its place of fear and a feelings of worthlessness. You deserve and will find love and great support from someone in your life. You will find work that is fulfilling and valuable to the world. You will find your passion for your art again. Diane, you thought going to California would give you a new start. It did broaden your horizons and finally brought you home – not just back to Albuquerque, but back to you. Now Diane, walk away from your old life. Detach from your past and see who you really are. Your life can now get on track beyond your wildest dreams – if you let it!
Release your attachments to your old beliefs! Release your old desires because they are not the desires of your soul. Release your attachments to your past or any wish that it was any different. It was not a life that you wanted. Be thankful that it is over.
Now Diane: stop lying to yourself about everything. You asked to leave, well if you continue to live the life lying to yourself then you will not find happiness peace and love. He will not feel your connection to Me. You will find a way to leave because there will be no reason to stay. Now, the truth. You keep writing about it, you keep talking about it. Now, what is it?
I don’t know – I wish you could tell me.
Diane, the truth is that you are Me. Now, be Me. And that means trust Me. Now is a transition time. You are moving away from your old life and creating the place that the space for your new life to begin. Let all your attachments and connections to your past go for now. You need to focus on being the true you. This sounds cliché. But you have 40 years of being someone other than yourself. You are just now scratching the surface of your self realization. Do not stop moving forward. You think if you have found God – well you know where she lives – but you do not know her yet. Don’t stop seeking this connection. Your life is moving forward but you were very far from home. Diane, leap. Make the leap of faith to be with Me and let go of everything else. Be willing to trade it all for Me. This is what will save your life. Are you willing?
Yes!
Then let us begin your adventure!
Love, God
Visit the Bog: Daily Reminders from the Journals with God
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Become the Master of Your Life
Copyright, Diane Dandeneau, 2015
The Author of the upcoming book: The Year of Awakening ~ The Journey to Living a Divinely Guided Life
